starbucks

i really like starbucks. what’s that? oh, you mean everyone does?? i realize that. i think what i love about it is this:

i like coffee (starbucks provides coffee that i like drinking)

i like sitting (starbucks provides places to sit and enjoy your beverage, muffin, whip out the old laptop)

i like convenience (i live in atlanta, there is a starbucks every 500 yards here)

so, there. that’s why i like starbucks. that and because i think that people like me more if i like it.

i’m off to starbucks now.

pro$perity go$pel (part 2)

check out this video. listen carefully to the words joel osteen is saying and also read the printed commentary on the video. i’m not familiar with who produced this video or what they stand for, i just thought they had some interesting disagreements with joel.

Joel Osteen

what strikes you? why?
frankly, it made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. to borrow the good pastor osteen’s sentiment, i’m not going to judge him. i might judge his message though. i think he says a lot of good, encouraging, nice things to people. but when you twist the Gospel into about what God can do for you, it is self-serving at best.

shame on you pastor osteen. nice suit, though. (also like the spinning globe, i’m going to ask my wife if we can get one for our dining room)

i’m going to go enjoy my best life now.. uh, now.

pro$perity go$pel (or why i can’t watch religious TV)

i’m drawn to the bible channel whenever i flip past it. i don’t know why i do it to myself, though. i end up getting angry. i end up yelling at the tv and wanting to throw the remote through it. i grumble to anyone around me who will listen about how these people shouldn’t be allowed to distort the Gospel of Christ. when i hear things like “and let me tell you a story about a lady who’s husband hasn’t paid child support in 8 months. she called into this program, and i told her to ‘sow a seed’ of $75, and God would fix her financial problems. the next day, she got a check in the mail for over 8 months worth of child support payments!!”

I’m not a theologian, and i’m not an expert on either the Bible or God. but one thing i DO feel confident about is preying on the disadvantaged and suffering is about as opposite of what Jesus did when He was here on earth as anything can be. Jesus healed, restored, and raised from the dead. the only thing that was ever required was just simply to have faith that He could (and sometimes not even that). 

now, i don’t believe everyone that appears on religious tv is evil. but there are some i’d love to throw a gutenberg bible at.

this is fascinating, regardless of what you believe. you need to watch, click the link below.

John Piper and the Prosperity Gospel

cold hard truth from good ol’ JP. 

how does that make you feel? 

why?

what do you think?

where’d it go? wait.. wizard!!! WIZARD!!!

hey kids, speaking of magic… this came out of wftv9 in orlando.

PASCO COUNTY, Fla. — A Florida substitute teacher says his job disappeared after doing a magic trick in front of his students.

Substitute teacher Jim Piculas made a toothpick disappear, then reappear in front of a classroom at Rushe Middle School in Land O’ Lakes, Florida. The Pasco County School District says there were several other performance issues, but none compared to his “wizardry.”

“I get a call the middle of the day from head of supervisor of substitute teachers. He says, ‘Jim, we have a huge issue. You can’t take any more assignments. You need to come in right away.’ I said, ‘Well, Pat, can you explain this to me?’ ‘You’ve been accused of wizardry,'” Piculas explained.
The assistant superintendent with the district said Piculas had other issues, like not following lesson plans and allowing students to play on unapproved computers.

Piculas said he’s concerned the incident may prevent him from getting future jobs.

um, ok. can you imagine being this teacher?
(phone rings)
jim: “hello?”
supervisor: “mr. piculas, we have a problem. big problem.”
jim: “ok, what is it?”
supervisor: “you can’t take any more assignments, uh, i need to see you right away.”
jim: “why?”
supervisor: “just.. uh, come down to my office please.”
jim: “can you at least tell me why first?”
(fearing jim could use his wizardry on him, the supervisor obliges)
supervisor: “jim, well… you’ve been accused of wizardry.”
jim: “(silence)”
supervisor: “(nervous)”
jim: “is this a joke?”
supervisor: “i wish it was jim… i wish it was. please turn in all of your toothpicks to the school administrator on your way out.”

i have a new slogan for pasco county: “come visit pasco county, where 17th century fears come to life”
(note: i used to work for an elected official that represented part of pasco county. this is par for the course, in my experience)

i’m magic.. sort of

one time i decided to google search myself. this is boring for most of us who don’t do anything worth too much attention, but i recommend it. you’ll never know what you find. as i love examples, let me give you one.

this is stephen dixon, but not THIS stephen dixon, stephen dixon the magician (and former ronald mcdonald impersonator) who has performed at various birthday parties and gatherings across the U.S. (for a fascinating few minutes on the internet, go to http://www.stephendixon.net and see who i am talking about). he’s even performed at the white house!! i’ve never done that. i also don’t know any magic tricks (but my friend matt melton does, if you know matt, or if you meet him.. chances are he will oblige a request for a card trick). but if i was going to be a magician, i think it would be more like this person

this is GOB from the tv show arrested development. if you don’t know who that is, go buy season one on dvd.

for my next illusion, i will go to sleep now.

frisbee faith

a guy by the name of jon acuff writes a blog called “stuff christians like”

he’s a fantastic writer, and i enjoy reading his various blogs very much. he had a post recently about christians and frisbee. i feel it is both funny and true.

i’ll wait now while you go read the post, it’s short, so be quick and hurry back.
#205 God’s Favorite Sport

welcome back. now, i really liked what he said about 94% of christians he knows can throw the frisbee really well. my immediate reaction was this: “uhh… but i can’t throw a frisbee more than 10 feet to save my life.” this is a fact. i have some sort of weird frisbee mental block. i am a christian, and i can’t throw the frisbee. do you see my dilemma?

i have the great fortune of spending time with some exceptionally talented individuals that God uses to do incredible things. worship leaders, speakers, teachers. they have these gifts. they can all lead and teach others with tremendous ability. sometimes i feel like they are the 94% side and i am in the 6%.

the key word in that last sentence was “feel” – then i remember something. God created every single one of us. God made each of us unique. The bible says that God knows each of us intimately, calls us by name, and that we were made in His image. God has specific purpose for each and every one of us, and often our paths, gifts, and skills are different than those around us.

the apostle paul says this to the christians in corinth:

” 4 There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. 5 There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. 6 There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men. ”

maybe you have felt like that. maybe you doubt yourself like i do sometimes. maybe you compare yourselves to others. remember this: it’s not about you. it’s about God. it’s about the Cross. it’s about your relationship with your Father who loves you, and He loves you exactly the way you are.

so rejoice, all you 6%. i know i am.
 

the importance of knowing what to punch (also, what not to punch)

this is an excerpt from an associated press story:

“VALLEJO, Calif. — A man has been arrested for allegedly punching a camel on a dare at Six Flags Discovery Kingdom.
Vallejo police say 24-year-old Christopher Allen was dared by a friend to enter a restricted at the theme park where the camel was kept, and punch it.
He did, police say, and got arrested for his troubles.
Police say Allen was detained by park security, but soon escaped and ran from the park with his friends.”

i can hear the conversation now…

chris: “this place sucks, they don’t have any rides that are EXTREME enough for me, bro.”
friend one: “bro!! they have camels here!!!
friend two: (immediately) “where?!?! dude!”
chris: “bro, camels make me mad. they are NOT EXTREME.”
friend two: “dude, it’s looking at you. i read somewhere that camels spit. maybe it’s going to spit on you, dude. you should go teach it a lesson brosef.”
friend one: “bro, you don’t know how to read.”
(as argument ensues between chris’ friends, chris gets angrier and angrier at the camels lack of extremeness and by the thought of being spit on by such a lame animal. he stomps towards the camel)
chris: “hey camel jerk! (punches camel in face)”
friend one and two in unison: “awesome brosef!”

there are lots of things you should punch in the face. for example, if someone tries to rob you or beat you up, those could be considered acceptable reasons to punch someone in the face. or even if you were at red lobster and the comedian carrot top starts hitting on your girlfriend (note: i grew up only a couple miles away from where carrot top lives, he got totally buff and steroidish, so take that into consideration before any aggressive actions).

but a camel?

seriously?

advertising food

there are some words that are just gross when tied with food. “sliders” for example. this is a term usually associated with mini-hamburgers. not a word i want to hear as i’m eating greasy, sauce covered red meat. “explosion” is another i don’t care for. chili’s has a quesadilla explosion salad. i don’t want, nor need explosions involved with my food (that’s two for you, chili’s.) taco bell is another i don’t really understand. why does everything have to sound like you mixed ingredients and exploded it in the microwave? “try or new cheesy beefy spicy bean burrito supreme explosion!!” oh, and by the way, be sure to make it “4th meal” and consume this item at 3:26 in the morning.
i’d like to slap and belittle whoever is responsible for the term “big buford” from checkers, as well.
and this picture is just funny. (note: all mtv “hills” references are for the benefit of my wife)

CHiPs

these two were real men. for those of you that are old enough to remember (or were lucky enough to find it on reruns), these guys were my heros growing up. straight-laced jon baker (played by larry wilcox) with his ever present honesty and moral compass. Frank Poncherello (erik estrada), always popular with the ladies, somewhat of a firebrand. you may be asking yourself “why is this guy posting about a lame tv show from the early 80’s?” thats a fair question. last thursday, may 1st was the 25th anniversary of the last episode of the show. i, for one, salute you, ponch and jon. thank you for protecting the hotties of southern california, and for always witnessing every criminal infraction that ever occurred between the years 1977-1983. thank you for never drawing your weapon, and instead risking your life to wrestle bad guys to the ground in long drawn out sequences. thank you especially for disco scenes.

dcfc

also, i’d be ashamed of myself if i didn’t mention that death cab for cutie has a new album coming out may 13th. get excited. BUY IT.

this is also funny. video from ben gibbard of death cab.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=oyuoIs62IPc

“think, hands, note.”